What matters most to you? When you slow down, and look at how you spend your time, what you put the most emotional effort and energy into, what rises to the top?
I’ve always asserted that it is our relationships that matter most. No one reaches their death bed and wishes they had spent more time working. However, our culture puts a much higher value on career, income, and child-rearing, which leaves our relationships at the bottom of the list over and over. After spending tens of thousands on a wedding, which is only one day of thousands in a marriage that hopefully lasts many decades, when was the last time you invested in your relationship?
Marriage Leads to Greater Happiness and Well-being
Studies have shown that married people are generally happier, healthier, and more financially stable than their unmarried counterparts. Married individuals tend to have a stronger support system, which can help alleviate stress and provide a sense of security. Additionally, marriage provides a sense of purpose and fulfillment, which can lead to greater life satisfaction.
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family revealed that married people reported higher levels of life satisfaction and happiness compared to those who were never married or divorced/separated. Similarly, research published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior indicated that married individuals were less likely to experience depression and other mental health issues than their unmarried counterparts. The National Bureau of Economic Research has shown that married individuals tend to have higher incomes and greater wealth accumulation than unmarried individuals.
David Brooks argues in his New York Times article “To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career” that research shows that marriage has a greater impact on overall happiness and well-being than career success.
According to Brooks, the quality of one’s marriage is a better predictor of happiness than the success of one’s career. A successful career may provide temporary happiness, but a strong and healthy marriage can provide long-lasting happiness and fulfillment. While career success is undoubtedly important for achieving financial stability and professional growth, research indicates that marriage has a greater impact on an individual’s well-being and overall happiness.
“The most important thing is to realize that your partner is more important than your career.” – David Brooks
Assess The Quality of Your Marriage
When was the last time you made an honest assessment of the quality of your marriage? I’m sure you could easily report the last upset you and your partner had, but no relationship should be measured solely by the last argument that occurred.
Here are 5 areas to assess the quality of your relationship:
- Communication: Do you regularly communicate with your partner about your feelings, needs, and concerns in a respectful and non-judgmental manner?
- Emotional support: Be there for each other during both good and challenging times, offering empathy, understanding, and validation.
- Trust and respect: Build a foundation of trust by being reliable, honest, and respectful towards your partner, and expect the same in return.
- Shared values and goals: Ensure that you and your partner have similar values, beliefs, and long-term goals to foster alignment and mutual understanding.
- Conflict resolution: Conflict is not the problem. How you handle conflict is. Develop healthy conflict resolution skills, such as active listening, negotiation skills, agreements and following through on those agreements, to address disagreements effectively.
If you are putting effort into addressing your boss’s concerns while dismissing your spouse’s, the long-term consequences are likely to be severe.
I encourage you to invite your partner to have a conversation where both of you share what is going well and what needs improvement. And if you find you cannot make improvements on your own, invest in counseling or other forms of support. You don’t need to figure things out on your own.
Conclusion
While career success is important, marriage is essential to overall happiness and well-being. As Brooks states, “There are mountains of evidence to show that intimate relationships, not career, are at the core of life, and that those intimate relationships will have a downstream effect on everything else you do.” If you’re looking to improve your relationship quickly, contact us to see how marriage counseling intensives can help.
