How Can I Get Closer to My Partner other than Having Sex and Will Improved Intimacy Improve Our Sexual Relationship? – Couples Therapy Columbia MD
By: Ganel, LCMFT Owner/Principal Therapist

Marital Counseling Columbia MD

“Joe and Jane were intimate with each other…” With or without a wink, this is a clear euphemism that Joe and Jane had sex. Despite how many people use that euphemism, being intimate isn’t necessarily related to having sexual relations. If you want other ways of getting closer to your partner, here are a few ideas to get you started, but your only limit is your own imagination.

  1. Do something new together; overcoming challenges together builds a powerful partnership
  2. Listen more than you talk; you’ll learn more about your partner and what’s important for him or her (as one of my teachers once said, there’s a reason God gave us two ears and only one mouth)
  3. Laugh and be playful together; helping each other relieve stress and having fun together is a great team-builder
  4. Discuss hopes and dreams for the future; few things get you closer than sharing a vision of your joint future

It’s not always true that improving intimacy improves sexual relationships. For many, too much intimacy = smothering which extinguishes the flame of desire. Far more often than most realize, in order to improve the couple’s sexual relationship you must increase the mystery, the elusiveness, the distance between two people. Fire needs air.

Love is about having; desire is about wanting. An expression of longing, desire requires ongoing elusiveness. It is less concerned with where it has already been than passionate about where it can still go.” ― Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic + the Domestic

To avoid this trap and help improve your sexual relationship, spend time apart engaged in doing things you enjoy separately. Cultivate your individuality. Never let your partner feel he knows you fully. Desire thrives most when the object of your desire is just beyond your reach. Don’t go completely beyond your partner’s reach and ability to recognize you, but at least occasionally, surprise him and do something he’d never expect you to do!

Posted on October 26, 2015 at 9:00 am

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