Most of us have a habit of looking at the world through a black-and-white, this or that, either or lens at times.
I’m right; you’re wrong.
Yes, it is; no, it isn’t.
My way OR your way.
Our brains are actually wired to do this. It’s a survival thing. If we can categorize experiences into neat little boxes, we have fewer choices to make. The fewer choices we need to make, the easier it is to survive.
But this gets us into trouble in our relationships, where nuance is a critical skill.
You’ve probably seen many Memes or TikToks touting something like this:
You’ll find plenty of advice about asking for what you want and need because your spouse is not a mind reader.
While this is true, advice that stops there leaves out important nuance.
It is essential to be considerate of your partner and do things of your own initiative because you know them, care, and want to make life easier for them.
If your spouse is struggling to get the grocery shopping done because of all the other things on their to-do list, offer to do it even if they don’t ask you to.
If you notice the laundry piling up, do it.
Showing consideration is just as important as asking for what you need. It’s the flip side of the same coin.
Instead of thinking in black-and-white terms; If they’d ask me I’d do it, think more relationally; What can I do that would be helpful even without them asking?
Increasing the consideration you show to each other AND asking for what you need will help your relationship survive in a much more satisfying way for both of you.
Download our guide “Five Relationship Pitfalls to Avoid” to learn how you may be unintentionally harming your relationship and what you can do about it.