Sex Therapy

Has Your Sex Life Fizzled Out?

Are you and your partner having less sex than you once did?
Do factors such as differences in desire, lack of arousal, pain during intercourse, or poor body image get in the way of intimacy?
Without a sexual connection, do you feel more like roommates than romantic partners?

Despite your deep emotional bond and love for each other, perhaps you and your partner struggle to connect sexually. Maybe you feel like your sex drive has disappeared altogether or can’t understand why, on the rare occasions you do have sex, it’s unsatisfying and lacks the intimacy you crave.

You May Be Stuck In The Same Sexless Scenario

Although you might realize the important role a healthy sex life plays in keeping your relationship on solid ground, you may experience a disconnect you can’t overcome. As bedtime approaches, one or both of you could feel the pressure of sexual intimacy looming. Soon, however, proposals for sex are promptly rejected with a familiar list of excuses.

This rejection likely causes resentment and anger toward the person who made the bid, while the other feels guilt and regret for rebuffing their partner’s earnest attempts to connect physically. When this pattern repeats without ever being talked about, a wall of disconnection eventually builds up between you both that can affect every aspect of your relationship.

Fortunately, therapy offers a solution-focused approach to improve your sex life. By providing a safe space that promotes open communication, education, and understanding, sex counseling for couples can revive intimacy and help restore your desire to give and receive pleasure.

“Sexual pleasure is not something to be ashamed of; it is a fundamental part of our humanity and should be celebrated without judgment.”

– Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. [1]

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Men And Women Often Experience Sexual Satisfaction And Desire Differently

The way men and women approach committed relationships, including sex, can be quite different. While male orgasm is largely based on physical factors, a 2021 survey of 1,043 women discovered that being sexually assertive was strongly linked to how often they orgasmed and how satisfied they were with their sex lives. [2] It’s also important to note that for women, orgasms aren’t the only factor that determines sexual satisfaction. [3]

If we assume that what constitutes sexual desire is the same for women as it is for men, then it’s no wonder we may struggle to get on the same page. But this fundamental lack of understanding has the potential to derail sexual intimacy, thereby weakening our relationship.

In reality, two kinds of desire commonly divide along gender lines: spontaneous desire—thinking about sex all the time—and responsive desire—never thinking about sex until something happens externally that builds desire. What’s more, contextual desire—when circumstances and environment impact our ability to feel sexual desire—can also affect our libido.

External Factors Often Contribute To Our Ideas About Sex

Aside from the physiological and psychological aspects, cultural norms can also influence our thoughts and feelings about sexuality. Stigma and shame may have been passed down by our families, religion, or community, making it difficult for us to express our sexual side. Add to this the unrealistic depictions of sex in pop culture that would have us believe we should be having sex all the time, and we are left feeling insecure and inadequate.

Therapy is a safe space to untangle your attitudes and beliefs about sex, allowing you to wipe the slate clean and start over with your partner. Being informed, open, and willing to consider a new way of approaching sex will revive your relationship’s sexual connection.

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Sex Therapy Gives Couples The Tools They Need To Reconnect

Although the idea of talking about your sex life to a stranger may seem daunting, we can assure you that most couples find therapy helps them get on the same page to find solutions together. Your therapist will be objective, supportive, and well-informed, helping to put you at ease. Once you have built rapport and feel comfortable, you will learn how to talk about intimate subjects with your partner with greater ease, helping you feel more connected and in tune with each other.

What To Expect In Sessions

Since successful therapy takes a willingness to try new things and a commitment to improve your sexual relationship, both of you must be ready to do the work. This might look like gaining a better understanding of body parts and their function, spending more time together without devices, or scheduling sexual dates to reconnect.

In sex therapy, we will explore:

The idea of pleasure—not climax—as the primary goal in sexual touch;
The reasons why you experience differences in desire and how to address it;
Ways to establish a sense of safety, allowing vulnerable conversations about sexuality to take place so you can explore what sex means to each of you;
Replacing the notion that sex is something you’re obligated to “give” your partner with the concept that sex is a co-creation that lets each of you build erotic energy together;
The importance of dating your spouse and scheduling sexual intimacy;
How to address patterns of avoidance;
Ways to develop a sensual/sexual menu to help you diversify your sexual portfolio.

How Psychosexual Therapy Can Help You

No one desires sex that is boring, painful, rushed, impersonal, scary, or impeded by a sexual problem. Through education and exploration, we will discover what is holding you back and customize a plan to improve communication and enhance intimacy, helping you create the sex you both want. Homework is typically assigned after each session to address your specific challenges.

Sex counseling will be solution-focused. In sexuality counseling, you will learn tangible skills and strategies you can apply directly to your relationship, including:

Identifying your sexual turn-ons and turn-offs;
Introducing toys into your bedroom experience;
Incorporating non-demand touch—touching that is not intercourse-oriented—into your relationship;
Applying the skill of seduction to create more opportunities for sex.

Hanna Yerushalmi smiles warmly at the camera, sitting outdoors

About Our Sex Therapist, Hanna Yerushalmi

Besides being a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state of Maryland, Hanna is also a certified sex therapist through AASECT (the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) and a member of IAPT (the International Association of Psychosexual Therapists).

Hanna is passionate about helping people improve their emotional and physical intimacy. As someone in a long-term monogamous relationship herself, she knows how hard it is to manage the ups and downs of married life while still nurturing a connection with a partner. She believes sex therapy is vital for couples who want to deepen their sexual relationship. Sex counseling can help you shift away from patterns that stifle intimacy so you can express yourselves more freely and feel more like the couple you want to be.

But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Sex Therapy Is Right For You…

We don’t think we’ll have time to attend sexual counseling if it takes too long.

Because all couples are different, the duration of sex counseling will vary. However, it typically takes between 6-8 sessions for clients to learn enough useful tools and information in counseling sessions to recognize the patterns that keep them stuck and improve their sexual relationships. When you consider that taking this important step is an investment in the sexual health of your long-term relationship, counseling is worth making time for.

Can counseling help us if we each have different sex drives?

A common reason couples embark on sex therapy is to address what they perceive as their mismatched desire. However, many couples don’t realize how differently desire is experienced by men than by women. In therapy, we will focus on understanding these differences and help you develop the skills to address the differences, ultimately leading to a more satisfying intimate relationship.

We’ve tried couples therapy before and nothing changed with our sex life.

Counseling with a sex therapist is a little different than couples therapy. Although we will touch on the emotional health of your relationship, our focus will be to improve how your bodies talk to each other. Whereas most couple therapists focus on the emotional dynamics of your relationship, a certified sex therapist focuses on the thoughts and behaviors that specifically interfere with your sexual connection.

Finding Pleasure And Connection Through Sex Is Possible

You deserve to have a satisfying, fulfilling sexual relationship with your partner. If you would like to find out more about sex therapy with Hannah Yerushalmi, LCPC at Together Couples Counseling, you can visit our contact page to schedule a free 15-minute call.