Couples Therapy

Is Your Relationship On Shaky Ground?

Has your relationship encountered obstacles you don’t know how to overcome?
Do you struggle to find common ground, which may lead to ongoing arguments or an unspoken resentment to fester?
Even though neither of you wants to give up on your marriage, do you feel stuck and wonder if separation or divorce may be where you’re headed?

It may be hard to imagine that after building a beautiful life together, you have become a couple struggling to communicate and seem like strangers. Perhaps once you entered a new stage of life—whether trying to juggle raising young children with demanding careers or adjusting to the new normal of becoming empty nesters—your relationship has faltered under the pressure. You might feel emotionally disconnected and anxious about what the future holds.

As Emotional Connection Wanes, Isolation Grows

Over time, you may have fallen into patterns of communication that leave you feeling dismissed and unheard. While one of you may frequently bring up your concerns and try to hash things out, the other might feel judged and misunderstood, believing there is no room for your perspective or feelings to be accepted. This disconnection fuels ongoing tension, spending less quality time together, and leaves the door open for infidelity and dishonesty. You might feel like you’ve already gone through an emotional divorce and don’t have a real partner anymore.

If defensiveness, mistrust, and resentment have crept into your relationship, changing your dynamic is difficult to do on your own. Fortunately, couples therapy provides the opportunity to examine what dynamics have strained your relationship and ways to reestablish healthier communication.

Have a question about Couples Therapy? Contact us!

Rapidly Shifting Gender Roles Affect Our Relationships

In today’s world, most couples are trying to negotiate 21st-century relationships with a 20th-century mindset. As more women have gained equal footing in the workforce and share financial responsibilities with their partners, an equivalent division of household duties often lags. Despite many women working full-time, they are still expected to perform the lion’s share of emotional labor at home, leading to imbalances that cause resentment and conflict. Not surprisingly, research has shown that women initiate most divorces in the U.S. [1] This doesn’t mean men are “bad”; it means new skills are needed for both men and women in the evolving landscape of marriage.

Our Desire To Always Be “Right” May Interfere With Relational Growth

Pop culture idealizes the notion that romantic relationships should effortlessly “fall into place” without providing adequate guidance on managing the inevitable conflicts that arise. While society values harmony, getting along, and being agreeable, we are conflictingly conditioned to “win” arguments, persuade others to see things our way, and prioritize being “right” at all costs. Additionally, individual empowerment is often more emphasized over relational growth.

Despite placing higher expectations on our relationships than ever, we commonly approach our partners skeptically. While women often fear their partners are too insensitive and self-absorbed to address their deepest needs, men may worry that their partner is too irrational and overly critical to ever feel content. While such cynicism is understandable, falling prey to these stereotypes can be avoided when we develop better relational skills.

Couples therapy can help you improve communication and better understand each other. Working with a trained therapist can deepen your emotional connection and strengthen your relationship.

Schedule a Free Inquiry Call

Therapy Gives Couples The Tools They Need To Reconnect

As a practicing marriage counselor for over 30 years, I frequently work with couples who can’t figure out why they can succeed in their careers yet struggle to find fulfillment in their relationship. Frequently, the abilities they have honed to become great professionals don’t translate well to long-term partnerships. They don’t realize that the talents that make them exceptional CEOs or attorneys can be disastrous when applied to their marriages.

Couples therapy provides a safe space to explore the underlying power dynamics of your relationship in an open and supportive environment. Having honest, vulnerable conversations about your emotional needs, frustrations, and desires allows you to reopen the channels of communication. By understanding how relationship patterns are often rooted in dominance, submission, or withdrawal, you will discover how these behaviors perpetuate emotional distance that can lead to estrangement. These unhealthy communication patterns will be replaced with a new rulebook that will restore connection, affection, and intimacy in your relationship.

What To Expect In Sessions

You will be guided to confront core beliefs or behaviors that undermine your dynamic, especially those related to gender roles, power imbalances, or trauma. My approach is direct and “carefrontational” when needed, supportively encouraging both of you to take accountability for your actions and acknowledge how your actions impact your partner. Rather than being purely a neutral third party, I will point out behaviors that prevent connection and get in the way of the relationship you long for.

“Joining through the truth” is a central part of my practice of couples counseling that teaches you how to speak openly to each other in a way that fosters connection rather than conflict. Learning healthier ways to communicate, manage disagreement, and balance personal and relational needs will empower you to cultivate “full-respect living.”

The Modalities I Use In Couples Communication Therapy

Each counseling session will be rooted in Relational Life Therapy (RLT), a modality developed by world-renowned couples therapist and author Terry Real. “RLT is renowned for sparking profound and lasting transformation in clients by helping them heal their relational trauma and forge fiercely intimate connections with others.” [2]

In couples therapy, you will learn new rules for relating to each other, including:

Identifying and articulating your wants and needs while also listening and responding generously to each other;
Actively cherishing one another with appreciation and gratitude;
Connecting and sharing on an emotional level;
Setting limits and standing up for yourself while simultaneously understanding when to back off;
Combining the power of your love with the necessary skills to be equal partners in the relationship.

Although your career may be rewarding, your kids mean everything to you, and your friends are a refuge; your relationship with your partner is what matters most. The bond you forge with the person you’ll one day grow old with is the most important connection you will ever have. With couples therapy, restoring the intimate connection you long for is possible.

But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Couples Therapy Is Right For You…

Will our couples counselor take sides?

As a couples therapist, I’m on the side of your relationship and helping you achieve the true intimacy you want. To help you forge a stronger connection, I will supportively point out when either of you is behaving in ways that are “anti-relational.” Although I may focus on one person over the other at these times, it is always for the greater good of your relationship.

What if we try marital counseling but nothing changes?

Many of my clients have been to couples therapy before with disappointing results. I respect their bravery to try again. While I can’t guarantee the results of marriage therapy, I can say that counseling will give you more clarity about what is getting in the way of what you want. That clarity brings you the freedom to choose to do things differently. Change can be difficult but can also be the gateway to discovering an entirely new way of living.

We don’t have time in our schedule to attend weekly couples therapy.

Understandably, finding the time to commit to weekly can be challenging. Fortunately, Together Couples Counseling offers 2 Day Couples Intensive Therapy. Together, you can spend two days one-on-one with me providing undivided focus on how you got here and ways to change moving forward. An Intensive will cover in two days what would usually take 7 to 8 months in traditional therapy. After attending an intensive, consider attending 90-minute check-in sessions bi-monthly, monthly, or at whatever interval suits you best.

We feel so alone. Are we the only ones who struggle like this?

Many couples feel isolated in their struggles, but it’s important to remember that relationship challenges are incredibly common. Comparing your relationship to what others show you—especially on social media—can be misleading, as we often only see what people want us to see.

If you’re worried about being in a group setting, that’s normal—but hearing other couples share their experiences can be surprisingly powerful. Many clients tell me they feel less alone and more understood when they realize they aren’t the only ones going through these challenges. Our Relationship Skills Bootcamp offers a supportive, non-judgmental environment where you’ll learn practical tools to improve your relationship and experience the reassurance of knowing others are on the same journey. The Bootcamp is offered twice per year in historic, waterfront Annapolis, MD, the perfect location for a weekend getaway.

Rediscover Connection With Your Partner

If you feel like things could improve in your relationship, you’re probably right. To find out more about couples therapy with Together Couples Counseling, you can visit our contact page to schedule a free 15-minute inquiry call.

Schedule a Free Inquiry Call

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202203/why-women-are-so-much-more-likely-seek-divorce
[2] https://relationallife.com/