In any relationship, it is natural to want to feel valued and important. When you are in a romantic partnership, you likely expect your partner to make you a priority in their life. However, when this does not happen, it can leave you feeling hurt, frustrated, and disconnected.
But why does this matter so much, and how can you address it?
Feeling like a priority in a relationship is fundamental to building trust, intimacy, and long-term connection. When you do not feel prioritized, it can lead to feelings of neglect, insecurity, and even resentment. These emotions can weaken the foundation of your relationship and make it difficult to feel emotionally secure.
Assess the Situation—Is This a Pattern?
The first step in addressing this issue is to assess whether this is a onetime situation or part of a recurring pattern. We all have moments when we get busy or distracted, but if this is an ongoing issue, it may be time to reevaluate how much effort your partner is putting into the relationship.
Ask yourself:
Does your partner frequently cancel plans or show a lack of interest in spending time with you?
Do they make little effort to connect emotionally or physically?
Are they dismissive when you express your feelings?
These questions can help you identify whether this behavior is something to address or simply an occasional oversight. If it is a pattern, you must consider how it affects you and the relationship’s health.
Addressing the Issue With Relational Life Therapy
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) offers a framework for understanding and improving relationships. The core idea behind RLT is that healthy relationships are built on equality, respect, and clear communication. If you are feeling neglected in your relationship, it is essential to approach the situation from a place of clarity and mutual respect.
Start With Yourself
Before addressing your partner, take a moment to reflect on your own needs and emotions. Ask yourself what you need from the relationship to feel valued. Are there specific behaviors or actions that make you feel ignored? Recognizing your needs is the first step in clearly communicating them to your partner.
Communicate Your Feelings Clearly
Once you have a clear understanding of what is bothering you, it is time to talk to your partner. Use “I” statements to express how their actions (or inactions) make you feel. For example, instead of saying, “You never make me a priority,” try saying, “I feel hurt and unimportant when you cancel plans with me at the last minute.” This approach focuses on your feelings and avoids sounding accusatory.
Ask for What You Need
In RLT, partners are encouraged to ask for what they need in the relationship directly. If you want more attention, time together, or emotional support, tell your partner clearly. Do not expect them to read your mind. Being specific about what you need will help your partner understand how to meet your expectations.
Be Open to Their Perspective
It is important to listen to your partner’s response without judgment. They may have reasons for their actions that you are unaware of. In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel heard and understood. Use this as an opportunity to come together and strengthen the connection between you.
Reclaim Your Power
It is essential to understand that feeling neglected in a relationship is not something you need to endure in silence. Once both partners have expressed their feelings, work together to find a solution. This could involve setting aside more quality time, reevaluating priorities, or seeking outside help if needed. If you are struggling with this, reach out to my office about RLT therapy so we can talk about how to help you navigate these difficult conversations.
