Intimacy is an art that goes far beyond physical touch or sex. It is the beautiful fusion of truth and love.
The first thing I tell my clients in our initial session is that in healthy intimate relationships, each person’s perspective matters. Whether it’s which house to buy, vacation to go on, school to send the kids to, or how the kitchen towels are hung, everyone’s perspective needs to be voiced. They inevitably nod in agreement with me. They both want to be heard. They both want to tell their truth. And yet every client who enters my office feels unheard, misunderstood, and alone.
It does not have to be this way.
Creating a deeply intimate life …
Intimacy is highly subjective. It looks vastly different for you than the couple next door, or what you saw your parents do, or what you created when you first got together or now, after 25 years of marriage. So many couples want to “get back to how we used to be.” But relationships evolve and developmental changes occur in the same way children grow.
You may find intimacy in thoughtful conversations and intellectual pursuits, while others find it through a quiet cup of coffee on the porch while reading the news next to one another.
One couple I worked with defined their unique, intimate life by cheering on their favorite football team while sharing a potluck with friends. It was these friends who then created a meal train when he became ill with cancer. They had created an intimate community of friendship.
And another had their most connected moments when working on DIY home projects together.
You get to define what intimacy is.
This is YOUR intimate life.
What does intimacy look like for you?
I encourage you to have open and honest discussions about your desires and expectations regarding intimacy to ensure that you create a meaningful connection that aligns with your unique needs and values.
In this new year, take the time to explore what intimacy is in several areas of life:
- Physical & Sexual
- Spiritual
- Emotional
- Intellectual
- Financial
- Family
- Occupation (Professional and Leisure)
And then put those discussions into action.
Creating an intimate life requires commitment, creativity, and continuity. It involves open and honest communication.
It requires conflict and vulnerability, and a genuine desire to find your way back to each other after upsets.
It means intentionally making time for each other, actively listening, working through the disagreements, and fully immersing yourself in shared moments.
Intimacy is an ever-evolving journey. It is not a static state but a dynamic force that requires continuous nurturing and a commitment to personal and relational growth.
By consciously cultivating an intimate life, you hold the power to create a unique, beautiful bond with your partner.
No matter where you are in your intimate relational journey, we are here to help. Contact us to set up a free consultation, or visit our couples therapy page for detailed information about how we can help.
We’d like to hear from you! Share what your unique intimate life looks like!
